Colorado's do-over starts here.
Let’s take a swing at policies that almost make sense. If they don’t add up, we’ll adjust the lie.
drought prevention
Bringing Water East to West
In a bold plan. Mr. Chop builds a Trans-American Pipeline to carry excess water from the Eastern floodplains to parched Western states, while generating endless revenue streams for Native Americans.
More Must Reads
A tech marketer-turned high school golf coach is reluctantly drafted into Colorado politics and discovers a conspiracy that refuses to remain fictional. He finds himself surrounded by mysterious inventors, space-obsessed tycoons, and unmistakable personalities who deny everything while explaining far too much.
job interviews
Ooops
Researching political stupidity, Mr. Chop studies the Bush(s), hunts the Quayle, and exposes the Johnson. Thrust into the limelight, he unites the mass eclectic at Boulder Creek.
inspiration shining brightly
Coaches and Hunters
"Some people believe football is a matter of life and death. I am very disappointed with that attitude. I can assure you it is much, much more important than that."
In the beginning
Winner of something...
“I remember when Halloween was the scariest night of the year. Now, it's election night.”
- Anonymous
coroner corner
Stuart Little wields a chainsaw
“The skull is cut with this chainsaw to create a 'cap' that can be pried off. The connection to the spine is severed, and the brain is easily lifted out for examination.”
Satoshi Nakamoto or Peter Todd?
The Going Gets Weird
A shadowy cabal mines and manipulates Bitcoin. They unveil an audacious plan to launch orbital data centers, taking global financial control quite literally out of this world.
ELON, Trump, twain & holograms
The Weird Turn Pro
“Mr. Chop,” began The Elon. “We, the assembly, have consumed copious amounts of mushroom tea.”
Never argue with stupid people. They will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.
The tales herein are a compilation of Fantasy Football stories that have nothing to do with Fantasy Football and may or may not have happened to real or unreal people.
Bumper Stickers
$25.00
Mr. Chop 2026
Shrink Traffic. Shrink Pollution.
All profits go to First Tee Colorado
Golf Attire
$29.00
Mr. Chop 2026
Fairway Justice
All profits go to Alcoholics Anonymous
Meet The Co-Conspirators
You know who they are, but the names are changed to something legally indistinguishable since they don't want phone calls...
coach
Prime Adjacent
Hermès Himalaya Birkin colostomy bag by his side, the highly quotable celebrity be talkin' fairness - "whether you’re sortin’ bills, swingin’ a nine iron or rollin’ up in a chair, gettin’ a fair shot at the GREEN, your GREEN. That’s PRIME policy, baby.”
campaign manager
Surfer Girl Dude
From the best band you've never heard of, the trusted sidekick and Chief Lie Adjustor rallies the crowds, slays the slogans, and manages the mirth.
And you thought the UK's Monster Raving Loony Party was absurd
Before you cast your ballot for Colorado's next governor, consider Mr. Chop. If you've already voted, take a mulligan.
$150K
Donations by people who probably should know better.
750+
Quotable jabs at The Charm Offensive saboteurs of Colorful Colorado.
97%
Of voters who actually vote know better.
Grip. Rip. Reform.
"Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason."
-Mark Twain